Are You Addicted to Drama?
2500 years ago, the Ancient Greeks created "Drama", an art form that lives on today in movies and plays. But the name now lends itself to a real life human characteristic: that being the over-dramatization of one's emotional life. Each person's individual reasons for engaging in this behavior is as complex as the scenarios that it plays out, but it is fair to say that it serves to affirm certain beliefs the person has about themselves, others in their lives and humanity in general. Also, like the ancient art form for which it's named, it attracts an audience of sympathizers and comforters, who by their actions, actually keep the performance going much longer than it otherwise would, or should.
However, the label of drama needs to be distinguished from legitimate emotional pain, which is a normal human reaction to loss, grief, fear, or sudden unsettling revelations. Very often, those suffering and struggling with real life challenges seek solitude and privacy to work out their feelings and begin the healing process. But those who intentionally ramp up the emotional intensity of events in their lives, prefer to do so in the presence of friends and family, who will rally support for the apparently traumatized person and thereby provide the true reward for the production: attention.
That is not to say that it is ill-advised or unhealthy to seek out a close friend or even a professional who will listen and provide constructive feedback, indeed it is. But as these life events are thankfully rare in most peoples lives, the need for such intervention is equally rare and this is where the drama-seeker stands out in stark contrast to the average "unhappy" person. As the need for attention is an addictive behavior and by definition, the addict needs more and more of the desired "drug" (in this case: attention), to get the same effect. So these traumatic life events start to happen with greater and greater frequency. That is how we can tell if we or someone in our lives is caught up in this revolving door of emotional intensity.
While these people will eventually be gossiped about behind their back and derided as hysterical drama queens, their lives are truly out of balance. They may actually not realize that they are creating disturbances and stirring up trouble in order to get their attention fix, and without such knowledge, they are unlikely to take the necessary steps to stop the downward spiral. As people in their lives begin to realize that their friend or family member is "crying wolf", they will begin to pull away and not provide the drug so desperately needed by the drama-addicted person. This is when it can become dangerous, as the affected person goes to greater lengths to return the focus to themselves. Extra-marital affairs, violence, lying and even suicide attempts are not uncommon strategies.
What To Do If You're Caught Up in Drama's Addictive Grip
How can we help ourselves if we realize we are caught up in this destructive cycle? First of all, you must be compassionate with yourself. It is very easy for any of us to become accustomed to patterns of behavior beyond our awareness, that take over our lives. Recognition of the fact that you are constantly unhappy and always complaining about something or someone in your life is a first step and a possible clue that you or someone you know has a drama addiction. However, as there is a "reward" component to this behavior, it is very difficult to break down, because the attention you receive during relapses allows powerful hormones to be released into your brain, causing you to feel pleasure… which is of course is short lived, thereby giving rise to a continuation of the pattern.
If your life is seriously out of control, it may require a period of intensive psychotherapy, maybe even coupled with temporary anti-anxiety and anti-depressant medication to interrupt the cycle of chemical reward supplied by the brain during dramatic events. No doubt about it, this is a serious condition that has the potential to rob you and those who care for you of joy and hope.
Can you go it alone and return emotional balance and propriety to your life without professional help? Yes, but it will require discipline. As was eluded to earlier, recognition of a problem is the first step. Then temporarily (or if necessary, permanently), removing yourself from the people or situations which exacerbate your emotions is next. This may be difficult or currently impossible, as the offending person or situation may be a spouse, a part of our family or even our job. But making plans to put distance between you and your emotional triggers is key and may in time require substantial life changes.
Don't be impulsive! Take time to review your life in detail, by writing about and evaluating your current and past relationships and doing an honest appraisal of how they began to fail or become dysfunctional. Chances are, there will be plenty of blame to go around, including yourself. You'll have to accept that and commit to changing destructive attitudes and behaviors that undermine your success and happiness.
When you feel the need to react to something someone says or does, take an intentional "time out" to break down the anatomy of the event and honestly evaluate if your level of emotional intensity around the 'presumed offense' is legitimate. Even if it is, don't react to it the same way you have in the past. Consider what the other person may have going on in their lives that is causing them to be unkind or even cruel. Not to excuse them, but rather to lessen your tendency to take the action or comment personally. It is very helpful to remind yourself "It's not about me", when others throw darts in your direction. They are in their own personal pain and may be inadvertantly crying out for help through their displays of anger or indifference.
A book I can highly recommend is called "Emotional Resilience", by Dr. David Viscott. Consume it like a fine wine, allowing each element of the work to seep into your subconscious and challenge your current beliefs and behaviors. Explore other works on emotions, perusing the isles in the bookstore for titles which tickle your curiosity.
Finally, expand your life beyond its current bubble. Volunteer, travel, start a hobby, join groups around themes in which you have an interest. Meet others who have come from circumstances far worse than yours and learn how they coped and in some cases, thrived in spite of them. This will help you grow and learn new strategies for dealing with your own emotional triggers.
The need for constant attention is a vestige from childhood and is what gives rise to overly dramatic behavior. It's time to grow and embrace adult life with all of its challenges and rewards and find ways to become emotionally self contained and balanced. Then and only then, will you find true happiness and peace of mind and subsequently attract healthy people and relationships which will continue to support that.
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