When Grief and Loss Strike and Happiness Seems Like an Impossible Dream

 

Download Audio File - When Happiness Seems Impossible

Dark, lonely days, filled with misery, that just seemed to blur into one never ending punishment, broken only by blessed sleep, when I could manage it. The psychological pain was so intense, there was no joy in anything I did. Life was just a series of tasks that were necessary to keep my entire world from spiraling down into the vortex that had consumed any hope of happiness. 

 Some call it 'the dark night of the soul". The French call it "la petit mort", (the little death). It is a universal human experience: the complete collapse of our emotional world which can result from the death of a loved one, the ending of a relationship, a diagnosis of a serious illness, a legal entanglement, the loss of a career or one of many other possible traumatic life events. No one escapes. Every life will eventually be touched by tragedy and it can feel like a final ending. Nothing anyone says seems to lessen the severity of the pain and if you're suffering now, you're probably even deriding this article as so much rose colored rubbish. And I can't blame you. 

 But try to let this truth seep into your subconscious, an ending IS also a beginning. It does not feel that way now, but I can tell you as a survivor of several such events, in my 50 something years, things do eventually get better. Much better! But you must try to heal yourself, right from the beginning. Focus on what you can actually do. It may even be difficult to get out of bed, but you must. It may feel impossible to fix a meal, but your survival depends upon it. You may fear contact with others and feel more safe by isolating yourself and that is normal for a while, maybe a week or so, but you must force yourself to get out and be around people. Maybe just a coffee shop for dinner. or out for a walk along a popular breezeway. It will stimulate feelings and probably painful ones at that, but you have to feel them, you have to allow them to rise to the surface, to be exposed to the light of day, so that their intensity will eventually begin to lessen. 

 But you will want to spend more time alone than you were comfortable with in the past. You will feel misunderstood and judged by others and this will cause you to seek out new activities that you can engage in by yourself and for yourself. Do not resist this desire, go with it. This is often the time when the inner artist, musician, writer, athlete or photographer will emerge and that development will at once become a way to heal and a reason to heal. You may find hours consumed in your nascent passion during which you feel only contentment. This is when you will know that a new beginning is just around the corner. When you are ready, it may be helpful to find a group or class that gathers around an activity in which you have an interest. Go, meet others that share your curiosity and start to feel more balanced again. 

For now, know that It is normal and understandable to see these circumstances as a form of punishment, for some unknown transgression. But this is the price of growth. When you emerge from this life passage, you will not be the same person. Yes, you may be bitter, resentful and cautious for a while, but it will pass and you will begin to put things into perspective, in a way that you would not have imagined possible only weeks before. 

 Reduce your expectations for now. Don't expect to be happy today or even tomorrow. But try to have faith that you will be happy again, perhaps beyond your wildest dreams. Keep moving, go to work, feed yourself, exercise, sleep as much as you can, make baby steps towards neutral, fun activities and you will be fine. You are transforming, you are evolving, you are growing. It sucks that this is the way it has to happen, but that's how it is. Accept that and face your pain head on. Tomorrow and each day after, things will be a little better. Until one day, you will look back upon this moment and be grateful. Believe it or not!