Happiness Tree

A New Series of Posts: Your Purpose - What it is and How to Live it

Because I had such a response to my last post on Self Mastery, Purpose and Happiness, I decided to continue writing my revelations in this area to create a better understanding of this passion for a sense of purpose. 

There are important ways in which we are very different from the animals that share our planet. Ways that make our lives more complex and perhaps more difficult as well. 

In the lives of animals, there is no ambiguity or self doubt, no questioning about whether they are on the right path. A sense of purpose or their level of happiness doesn't enter the equation, as far as we know. But for humans, along with all the complexities of survival and procreation, we have a consciousness and it refuses to be ignored. We need to find emotional fulfillment in our activities and our lives. We need to create and build loving, reciprocal relationships and perhaps, most of all, what sets us apart from our wild brethren, is that each of us needs to discover what makes us unique.

And you may be among the many who feel it is not sufficient to just be happy, that one's happiness should in part arise from a sense of purpose and I would agree with you.

But it is also important to understand that once you commit to working on and building your own life and happiness, you immediately begin to positively effect those around you. And learning to create sustainable happiness in your life provides the energy and inspiration you'll need to begin revealing and refining your talents. The talents you will call upon throughout the journey of purpose that lies ahead. 

For on that journey, many opportunities and challenges await and there will be many different paths you will be tempted to embark upon. And whether you choose to apply your talents to the world stage or just within your own family and community, the goodness will be of of equal value. Your main mission, indeed the mission of all people, is to make your life better and in the process, positively effect those around you.        

Especially those you love.

The actions that you undertake in the carrying out of that commitment will go on to enhance the lives many more that you will never meet in ways you can barely imagine. This IS the purpose of your life and the journey of greater good that beckons you. It starts today with you, in your own home and in your own life!  

In upcoming posts, here at the Happiness Tree  you'll discover methods by which you'll be able to identify and manifest your calling. The skills and abilities you'll develop here will help you create happiness through sharing. Sharing art, wisdom, understanding, growth and also helping others to define their purpose.  In so doing, your efforts will reverberate across the globe, changing lives and transforming destinies.

Every few days, a new post will appear exploring one element of your quest to discover and refine your purpose. Stay tuned and please, feel free to send questions or comments: Ask Mathias Wisdom

 

S.E. Mathias

Are You Lacking a Purpose? Still Haven't Found Happiness? Focus on "Self Mastery" and Both a Sense of Purpose and Happiness Will Emerge Naturally.

As you will discover from my book, "The Happiness Tree", "Self Mastery" is the journey you choose to embark upon that begins to reveal all of your hidden gifts, talents and opportunities. 

Meaning that Self Mastery is really the engine of true and lasting happiness. If we cannot understand or direct our own consciousness and impulses the result will be anxiety; indecision; self-doubt; fear of the unknown and inconsistent behavior.

Mastery is not something that is achieved overnight, it is the result of many years of commitment to self-discovery and self improvement. What follows are some of the features and characteristics of "Masters" (individuals who have achieved Self Mastery).  Read it over carefully to see if these elements are present in your life and if not, consider how you might begin to develop them.

Acceptance and Realism: Masters are people who have realistic perceptions and expectations of themselves, others and the world around them.

 

 

Solution Focused: Masters understand that when life presents a problem, a solution already exists, it just has to be revealed. They realize the best solution to a problem is to not create one in the first place. Yet when challenges do arise, they are viewed optimistically as an opportunity to apply all of one's intellectual tools and talents to creating solutions. And in so doing, one's skills and abilities evolve and grow.

Integrity: Based on the Latin adjective, Integer, meaning whole, or complete, it is assumed that one with integrity has developed a framework of values and beliefs and that he or she acts in accord with that framework. That framework often begins with the "Golden Rule": treat others as you would like to be treated. Integrity is the antithesis of hypocrisy. Integrity is one of the hallmarks of Self Mastery, as to achieve it, the Master is continually examining his or her mind for conflicting values. and if found, they are compelled to alter their beliefs and behaviors to maintain consistency. Masters are those upon whom others can place their trust, because it is understood that their core beliefs prohibit them from acting in a way that is dishonest or cruel. Furthermore, because Masters build their lives around an integrated framework, they increasingly detest association with others whom lack integrity. Therefore, Masters are much more likely to maintain a small network of trusted friends that hold similar values and thereby limit their exposure to relationships or situations that threaten to challenge their sense of Integrity. 

Spontaneity: Masters are spontaneous in their internal thoughts and outward behavior. While they can conform to rules and social expectations, they also tend to be open and unconventional. Masters rarely hold rigid views on religion politics science or human nature.  They understand that remaining open to new ideas and avenues of perspective, helps them to expand their mind and continually refine their search for truth.

Autonomy and Solitude: Another characteristic of Masters is the need for independence and privacy. While they enjoy the company of others these individuals need time to focus on realizing their own individual potential. Masters are more likely to develop abilities in the arts, writing, science or history, either as a profession or hobby, as they value personal enrichment and expression.

Continued Freshness and Appreciation: Masters tend to view the world with a sense of appreciation, wonder and awe. Even simple experiences continue to be a source of inspiration and pleasure. As their lives tend to be more well-organized and manageable, Masters have time and the intellectual capacity to enjoy simple pleasures and to find joy in the little miracles that others miss.

Peak Experiences: Masters often have what Abraham Maslow termed "Peak Experiences", or moments of intense joy, wonder, awe and ecstasy.  As Masters' lives tend to be less complicated, they enjoy a relaxed relationship with Self, their environment as well as family, friends and associates. This allows them to surrender to the magic of spontaneous events and experience a sense of awareness of, or connection to a reality which includes and yet is greater than themselves.  What many may define as Spirituality or "Being in the Zone.

There is a purpose waiting for you to inhabit and the way to find it is to focus on Self Mastery. Opportunities appear in your life, when you're ready to fulfill them. The way to do that is to seek your true potential by refining the aforementioned facets of a balanced and healthy interface with others and the world around you. 

As you discover and align yourself more keenly with your inner talents, desires and passions, Happiness will result naturally. Sustainable Happiness cannot be turned on like a light switch, it must grow inside of you, arising from you working on and integrating the elements of wholeness, as described above. 

If you want a sense of Purpose and a Sustainable Happiness, examine the degree to which your life follows this example. When you can honestly say you've achieved it. the world will be your oyster.

 - S.E. Mathias

 

What Do the Tumultuous 60's and 70's Have to Teach Us About Finding Happiness in Today's Uncertain World?

If you've been kicking around the planet as long as I have, you may remember the "Pop Psychology" movement of the 1960's and 70's. A kind of collective curiosity about our environment and the raising of human consciousness was born and quickly exploded into a generational obsession.

Hunger for novel and ancient wisdom regarding our relationships to self, the human community, the planet and the universe gave rise to countless publications on the inner workings of the mind and eventually, a whole new category of intellectual pursuit: "Self Improvement".

 

 

Psychologists like Carl Rogers, B.F. Skinner, Carl Jung and Abraham Maslow began questioning Freud's previously accepted and rather negative views on human nature by proposing instead the novel idea that each of us could actually determine our own destiny, that we could alter the course of our lives by connecting with a universal wisdom and thereby discover the reason for our existence and the journey or life plan that was uniquely our own. 

Having been born and raised in California and spending my youth in what I later discovered was the epicenter of this movement, I thought that everyone in the country was experiencing a similar epiphany.

 

But I now know that a majority of the nation, which still held traditional values, viewed California as a cesspool of self-absorbed, naval gazing hippies and liberals that were systematically undermining the important cultural and religious ideals that they held dear. 

That was certainly also a time of tremendous social unrest, drug experimentation and political savagery, but looking back, it also seems like a much simpler time.

 

 

 

Now, for so many, the path to self improvement is obscured by seemingly perpetual economic, military and political threats at home and abroad.

And in spite of the flow public and private resources being allocated to address these issues, there exists a collective post traumatic stress disorder that has created an insidious and palpable tension in the lives of people from all walks of life.

As a young adult in the 70's, I could never have imagined a day when we would barely notice news of another schools shooting or a deadly terrorist attack in a part of the world we might have once considered desirable for a vacation. So how can we now gain perspective on events occurring all around us and what can we learn from the enlightenment movement that brought us the Beatles, Martin Luther King and the Endangered Species Act? 

The fact is that human history has been plagued by conflict, disease, oppression, political excesses and discrimination since we began living together in societies, some ten-thousand years ago. Every generation has felt that their world is going to pot and that civilization's future is in jeopardy. That is not to diminish the horrific acts of barbarism occurring daily throughout the world, but none of this is really new.

What seems new is that now, the sword of evil and hatred is being pointed at different groups. Groups that have enjoyed a relatively serene existence since WWII. The "Western world", with all it's military might, has discovered it's "Achilles heel", through the new portals of freedom that we created, but which are now so difficult to restrict: namely easy access to weapons, cheap and rapid global travel and the world wide web.

So as was the case with the development of nuclear technology, what was intended to bring peaceful advancement to humanity has been co-opted in an attempt to beat modern society back into the dark ages. 

Now, like the young "baby boomers" of half a century ago, we are faced with a world that seems out of control. And as before, we are have a choice: either to allow these events to achieve their goal of beating down hope and personal achievement or to step back and return once again to the timeless realm of the Mind.

At it's best, I believe the take away message for all of us from that transformative time is: when the world around you is chaotic and senseless, there is always another perhaps more profound reality that exists before and below all of that to which you can and should return: your inner life, the untrammeled core of your being.

Many years after Donovan released his song, "The Hurdy Gurdy Man", in May of 1968, he admitted having left out a verse written by George Harrison which I think helps to encapsulate the wisdom of that age. A message which is at once old and yet, forever new again:

"When the truth gets buried deep 

Beneath the thousand years asleep 

Time demands a turnaround     

And once again the truth is found"

 

 

 

S.E. Mathias

Learning how to balance your needs with those of others

The degree to which you find this balance is one factor in creating a sustainably happy life. Giving unconditionally, as a life strategy may sound noble, but it's foolish and counterproductive. On the other hand, thinking only of your own needs makes you unattractive as a friend or partner. So figuring out how to maintain equality between these seemingly paradoxical poles takes time and practice.

 

 

 

Ultimately the mature person is able to be caring and generous and still state and assert his or her own needs with different people and in different situations without anxiety, shame or guilt. And when our needs are continually in conflict with the needs of someone we are involved with, that is the definition of a "toxic relationship".

 

Recognize the futility of it and move on, because the constant stress will not only rob you of happiness but will also impact your health.

Take time to learn your particular style of giving and receiving and surround yourself with people who maintain a similar balance. This will help you find and live in greater harmony.

-S.E. Mathias

 

 

 

 

If you enjoyed the forgoing content, please feel free to comment and to share it with your friends and family. And stay tuned for my upcoming book: "The Happiness Tree", due out this year. 

Forgiveness Doesn't Mean Exoneration. It Means Learning and Letting Go

One of the more difficult lessons I have had to learn in my life is that not all people act or respond in ways I can understand. As a young man, I embraced the naive notion that once I could decipher my own motivations, I would then have a Rosetta Stone for interpreting how others would think and react. That naiveté turned to bitterness on more than several occasions when my expectations were dashed and I was completely sideswiped by the bad behavior of people I thought I knew. Once most people have reached adulthood, they can relate to this story.

 

None of us completely escape the bad behavior of others and each time it happens, we are left with a choice: to allow toxic anger to cast a pall over our lives or to find what there is to learn from the experience and move on. Of course the second option is preferable, but that is not to suggest it's easy, because it's not. But the alternative is to internalize others' unconscious or malicious actions and allow them to destroy our health and happiness.

 

 

That would be handing over too much of our personal power to someone else, and when we do that, the original transgression becomes distorted and eventually, we begin blaming others for how our entire lives have turned out. This is why Forgiveness is a valuable tool for defining and healing the damage done to us and getting back to the business of living. 

Now, by Forgiveness, I don't mean to necessarily exonerate others for their transgressions; that would also be naive. But rather I mean to let go of them. 

Also, trying to understand the mindset of people who do bad or thoughtless things is counterproductive, your mind will be doing summersaults and may never arrive at a satisfactory answer. The strategies to adopt are the following: 

a. Honestly evaluate your own conduct prior to any hurtful event. Did you contribute in any way to the reaction of the person(s) in question? If so, then you can partially excuse them for their response.

b. If you in no way contributed to the event, then realize "you were not the target". I put that in quotations because it is a very valuable concept to embrace. People do bad things for many reasons and when their daggers point in our direction, it is easy and understandable to assume, it was in response to something we did, or were perceived to have done. Believe me when I tell you, that is all too often not the case. Read on to discover why. 

"The abused sometimes become the abusers". This is the byproduct of being unable to Forgive. Some people's pain and bitterness goes so deep, that they begin to mistreat others in the very ways they were mistreated and are completely unaware of it. Another way that some people respond to past pain is to cause a preemptive rift in their relationships, before they can be hurt again. They become "shellshocked" in a way: expecting to be hurt by everyone, so to avoid falling victim again, their distorted logic leads them to strike first. Furthermore, unable to accept who and what they have become, people damaged in this way, will often excuse their actions, by blaming them on you. 

Forgiveness is something we do primarily for ourselves. It helps to remind us that each challenge provides us an opportunity to learn something about our own mind and humanity in general. But once in a while, forgiveness also leads to a miracle. When people do bad things to us, they expect us to become indignant, hateful and to lash out in revenge. Unfortunately, so many live in a world of self-perpetuated drama and use these transgressions to get you to react, thereby whipping up another emotionally charged scene to feed their addiction. When you walk away and appear to be unaffected, that can sometimes send a shockwave of disbelief through the mind of a serial abuser. Your strength and forbearance may inspire them to rise up from their destructive ways and live with greater integrity. Though you may never be given credit for having changed their lives and though the example you set won't wipe away the hurt they caused you, by not engaging in a tit for tat exchange, the act of forgiving keeps you from spiraling down into your own spate of bad behavior and causes you to become a beacon for others to follow and admire.

 - S.E. Mathias

 

If you enjoyed the forgoing content, please feel free to comment and to share it with your friends and family. And stay tuned for my upcoming book: "The Happiness Tree", due out this year.