Though many of you may feel that your destiny is controlled by outside forces, the conditions under which you live are largely decided by you. But once you've bought into the notion that "life sucks and then you die", you abdicate any influence you may have otherwise had on how your journey plays out.
If unhappiness is indeed a disease, which it is, then, it is also a communicable one. Meaning that you catch it from other people. Unhappiness resides in the brain, like a cancer, robbing you of joy and satisfaction. You may then say: How and when did I catch it and what is the cure? I'm so glad you asked!
Your brain is like a sponge. From the moment you're born and maybe even before, you're being subtly programmed through your senses to think, speak, react and view the world around you in certain ways. Most or all of this is below your perception of course, which is what makes unhappiness such an insidious disease. You don't know you have it, or are slowly acquiring it until it's too late.
Even though humans have evolved much larger brains than other animals, we have also lost some of the key behavioral aspects that allow animals to function so well within their niche. Namely instinct. Everything humans know has to be taught to them by someone else. And so along with how to tie your shoe laces and feed yourself, you learn by example that everyone gets married, has a gaggle of kids, goes everyday to a job they hate, lives on credit, sits in commute traffic 20 years of their life and dies.
But now that you're in the race, you have to keep moving, so you do what you know and though you think you'll do it differently, you end up pretty much where your parents were: Unhappily married, with a bunch of ungrateful brats running around, sitting in the car you paid too much for, 2 hours a day to get to a job that steals your soul in exchange for too few dollars, which you use to pay for the middle class home you rent in the suburbs along with all the neighbors you barely know, who are all doing the same thing, or at least once did and are now waiting to die.
All so you can have your one week vacation a year, where you drag the kids along to a place they don't want to go, in an effort to get them to look up once or twice from their cell phone or computer and say "like, where's the mall?".
Screeeeetch! Wait! Stop the bus! How did this happen? Because you never thought to ask……. Why?
Why do I have to do everything the same? No one forces you to live this way. You just blindly follow the example that was set for you and lo and behold, you end up the same as your parents. Miserable!
So what is the cure? Well first, let's determine how sick you really are. If you're a teenager or young adult, start looking around you and questioning why things have to be the way they are. Do you have to live in the suburbs and get a job that's 20-40 miles away in some "god forsaken" city? No. There are less expensive places to live in the country, where the air is fresher, the people are nicer, the pace is slower and where you can begin to extricate yourself from that rat race.
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Instead of that over-priced and overcrowded apartment where you grew up, spend the same money and find a small house out of town with a little land that you can learn grow some of your own food and actually cook. Yes. that involves getting your knees dirty and working up a sweat and though it may be a shock, you won't need a computer. Don't you see, that's the point. Get out of that squirrel cage called "your head" and use your body. Amazingly creative ideas occur to you while you're pulling weeds or planting vegetables and your view of yourself and the world around you slowly begins to change.
You may begin to ask, who benefits if I get married, me or the lawyer and tax man? I know it's blasphemy to even bring up the idea that there's an alternative to marriage, but there it is. Relationships are capricious, they have a life of their own. It's painful enough when they end, but then add to that the torture of being dragged through an expensive legal system that forces you to negotiate the terms of your departure.
I suppose this inhumane framework was designed to protect any kids that were conceived during your time together. But do we really need our legal system to legislate parenting? OK, so you're not together any more. Take care of your responsibilities and everyone will be fine.
Speaking of kids. Do you have a burning desire to make a carbon copy of yourself? Maybe there are big things you want to do in your own life that will require a large commitment of time and energy. Do kids really factor into that equation? It's not a bad thing to choose not to have children, though many will try to make you feel otherwise. Especially when you're taking your 2nd trip to Europe and they are still saving for their kid's car and college.
You'll be told "you don't really grow up until you have children". Bullshit! That's just another one of those not-so-subtle nudges society has created to get you and everyone to conform and fall in line with the rest of humanity. I've known many parents that leave a lot to be desired in the maturity department. Their own lives are a a series of pointless dramas and having kids has only made things worse. Innocent children are dragged into this soap opera and learn all the wrong lessons about how to live a happy. productive life and so it goes. Generation after generation.
News flash! You have choices in life! Just be careful about how you spread your seed so the decision about how that part of how your life will turn out is not inadvertently taken away from you.
If you're already married with children and wondering "how did I get here?" you too have choices. Look, no one benefits from you being miserable. The kids hate to see you moping around with a long face. They feel like they're part of the problem. They want a cool dad or mom who is happy and productive, doing interesting things and enjoying life. Leaving a marriage is never an easy decision and when kids are involved, it's downright painful. But perhaps there is a better future waiting for each of you and holding this fragile union together is ruining your chances for true happiness and fulfillment. The kids will survive and may even grow up to be more independent thinkers as a result of you admitting failure and starting over. The message you don't want to send is that "responsibility trumps everything". Then you'll just be producing another automaton who follows all the others, doing what they think they're supposed to and hating it.
Yes, unhappiness is a disease and you catch it from everyone around you. But the cure is to start questioning everything. Don't just do what you're told. Look at the lives of those dispensing advice and see if their lifestyle has made them happy. Chances are it hasn't. Experiment and don't be too eager to jump into anything. Think first, is this what I want? Is this who I am? Where do I want to be in 5 or 10 years and will this choice help me to get there or hold me back?
Unhappiness is a disease and the cure is right in front of you. It may be a bitter pill, depending on how sick you are, but rest assured, you can make a full recovery with a well thought out plan that deemphasizes conformity and focuses on individuality, creativity and courage. Dare to be different and build the life you want, not the one everyone expects. Sure, there will be dead ends and wrong turns, but a well examined life composed of people and activities that enrich you is the best medicine and the best way to inoculate yourself against the dreaded disease of Unhappiness.
-Shane Eric Mathias
For more on a Sustainably Happy lifestyle, read my other posts. And go to my Twitter page to sign up for future tweets and posts. You can also connect with me on Facebook or through my Email. Be well and happy!
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