The Transformative Power of Touch

  

Touch can be a way of conveying a message, but first and foremost it defines boundaries. 

As you travel around the world, each culture has a very different relationship to touch. In Southern Europe, it is not uncommon for men to embrace each other and even add a glancing kiss to each cheek. In certain Asian countries, physical contact is not part of the greeting at all. 

Between Men and Women, touch is an ever evolving dance that can determine the future of the relationship, depending timing and quality. 

 

Our skin, while being the largest organ we have, is also incredibly sensitive to stimuli from the outside world. And that is nowhere more evident than when two people come close together and make contact.

Touch has an amazing ability to convey a wide range of emotions alone or when combined with verbal communication. A handshake, a squeeze of the arm, a warm embrace, a kiss on the cheek or the neck, all say very different things and can either serve as an asset: sending a clear and welcome message, or can be an unwelcome and inappropriate gesture, that is ultimately confusing and off-putting.

Knowing how and when to be intimate and with what degree of intensity is a very powerful skill or art really, that should be practiced and refined to enhance and clarify your communications, giving them much more impact and making them memorable experiences..

But touch is also extremely important for our physical and emotional health, enhancing it in many different ways: raising levels of oxytosin, a bonding hormone; reducing blood pressure; slowing heart rate; relaxing muscles nerves and blood vessels; decreasing depression and elevating mood; improving digestion; warming skin; increasing circulation and the list goes on and on. It has been shown that babies who were touched frequently became more well adjusted adults, with a more balanced emotional makeup and better health. And then they often go on to be more comfortable giving and receiving touch with others, later in life, including their own children.

In the context of a relationship, researchers have observed that touching rises steadily in the beginning and peaks somewhere early in marriage. Couples tend to settle on a frequency of touching that is mutually acceptable, with perhaps one compromising more than another, but usually with each reciprocating on a one to one ratio.

But even if a couple has many other things in common, if their frequency of touching is out of sync from the beginning, the relationship is more than likely doomed.

So, it would be fair to say that touch varies from person to person in it's power to affect happiness. For someone who likes to give and receive touch, it is imperative to find a partner who is closely matched in that way. And the same would be true for one who is “touching challenged”. But regardless of their innate tolerance for touch, almost everyone needs to satisfy some baseline in order to feel cared for, reassured and desirable.

Touch is of course also the gateway to sexual intimacy and this is an area where couples can continue to experiment and improve: learning each others erogenous zones and triggers, as well as adjusting speed, pressure, timing and sensitivity.

But touch may be most effective in communicating the truth about our feelings and emotions. Touch is often spontaneous and therefore, perceived as more authentic.

If lovemaking between humans was just the act of intercourse, as it appears to be in most of the animal world, it wouldn't be nearly as powerful a force to bond people together. It is because of the deep, non-verbal messages of caring, understanding, selflessness and comfort that are communicated by touch during sexual intimacy, that it has the ability to elevate the experience into the realm of the majestic.  

Whatever the context, someone who is intuitive regarding how and when to touch others holds great power to relax and therefore, influence acquaintances, friends, business associates and lovers. Appropriate and welcome touch has the ability to promote happiness for all participants, the givers as well as the receivers.

Practice and master this skill and begin to witness how amazingly and effortlessly the right touch can positively transform your most important relationships.

-S.E. Mathias

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