Happiness Tree

Seeking Purpose and Fulfillment? See These Movies!

What should we call them? Movies that inform, entertain and enlighten us, all without being pretentious or condescending.

While I am still working on the one word or phrase that would encapsulate this medium that blends art with consciousness raising, let me cut to the chase so that you can check them out now, without further adieu, if you so desire.

They are titled "My Greatest Teacher" and "The Shift" currently available free on You Tube and produced by Reid Tracy with Hay House Films. They revolve around the teachings of Wayne Dyer, who sadly died of leukemia on August 30, 2015.

But these films are not documentaries, lectures, or biographies, rather, they combine beautifully acted drama, with a kind of subtle lesson, a counterpoint that would seem awkward on paper, but that is accomplished with such finesse, that I found myself completely engrossed in the flow, willing to fully surrender to where ever the momentum of the story carried me. 

For those of you who have not read my writings or are not aware of my intellectual constitution, I do not subscribe to far out theories or the presence of mystical entities controlling events in our lives, according to some grand, inconceivable scheme. I am a pragmatist and my life philosophy revolves around the concepts of self awareness, self discipline, curiosity, truth seeking and flexibility. Therefore, one would think that such a movie would offend my sensibilities, yet, I found them to not only be perfectly plausible, but eye opening and inspiring. 

In “My Greatest Teacher”, we are not sure if the main character is actually reenacting Dr Dyer’s early life, as Wayne makes vignette appearances throughout the film, at times interacting with the protagonist. But rather than being confusing, this lends a certain complexity to the film, deepening our desire to unravel the mystery. It helps to know a little about Dr Dyer’s struggles as a young man, having been abandoned by his father in childhood. His character is superbly acted by Patrick Fabian, as he draws us into his emotionally charged world of impatience, disappointments, frustration and failure.

Finally, overcome by a need for closure, we accompany him to several small towns in Sonoma County, as he tries desperately to find and follow clues to his father’s whereabouts in order to understand the source of his growing anger and emptiness. Meanwhile, Dr Dyers teachings are interspersed throughout, artfully linked to the evolving events and thereby serving as a subtle deconstruction and interpretation of the story. 

To a great degree, my writing explores the inner workings of the brain and mind and the myriad ways they influence and are influenced by our emotions, beliefs and experiences.

Our so called “Peak Experiences” as conceptualized by Abraham Maslow and often referred to by Dr Dyer, are those that stimulate many areas of the brain simultaneously. I would say that watching this film initiated a Peak Experience for me, such that I was inspired to share my reaction. 

        ___________________________________________

     <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<(0)>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
       ____________________________________________
     

My curiosity motivated me to investigate another film centered around Dr Dyer’s teachings “The Shift”. While “My Greatest Teacher” provides an introduction to this unique type of film (for which I am still seeking a suitable name), “The Shift” takes us deeper, following the lives of two individuals on the precipice of change as well as a film maker struggling to promote his career, even as he attempts to finish a video about Wayne Dyer. All the while, we are treated to an interview style dialog from Dr. Dyer, which again is artfully woven into the fabric of these dramas, as his words provide a sort of spiritual narration from on high. 

Unlike “My Greatest Teacher” this is a full-length movie: almost 2 hours, but the time flies by as we discover entertainment and inspiration in equal measure. I recommend watching both, while they remain available on You Tube for free. But which ever you choose, I trust you’ll agree, these films represent a genre that deserves it’s own unique designation….. if I could only think of what it should be called. 

Again, the links appear below. I recommend watching them soon and sharing these links with friends and family. It is a rare opportunity to enjoy this wonderful medium for free.

"My Greatest Teacher"

"The Shift"

As always feel free to send questions or comments to:

Shane Mathias - The Happiness Tree

 

YOU HAVE A STORY TO TELL. HOW AND WHY TO WRITE IT

It is the rare individual indeed who has reached adulthood and not experienced something traumatic, inspiring, humbling, or life-affirming. And yet, the vast majority of these powerful stories are never told. Many are the people who might find solace in the words of someone who can see the world through their lens.

We live in an age where information is everywhere. We are perhaps the most well informed society in history. But have we become wiser and more empathetic as a result? Perhaps not. Which is more important. information or self knowledge? 

The breadth of human experience is limitless and within that universal spectrum of possibilities are incredible stories of achievement, tragedy, love, loss, success and abject poverty that deserve to be told. So many of you search for a purpose, a reason to exist. You search your soul for what you might have to offer your fellow man or woman, assuming it will be some as yet unrealized talent or skill. Yet you overlook what is right under your nose, the story of the very life you have lived or are now living. And it silently begs to be revealed. 

Perhaps helping others is not currently on your agenda. You’ve reached a dead end, the path ahead seems dark and foreboding. Maybe you lack confidence, you’re not good with people, you have a disability or something about your appearance that causes you to avoid human contact.

You feel stuck and wrack your brain for a way out of this conundrum, but come up empty. What’s the solution? Write!

Are you the one who was on top of the world? Maybe you had the best job, the greatest lover, the most loving family and everything you touched seemed to turn to gold and then one day, it was all taken away. A terrible accident; your partner left or died suddenly; a natural disaster or insurgent uprising tore your family apart and loved ones were lost forever; your world was rocked by a frightening diagnosis; you made a terrible mistake and lost your job, or you became collateral damage in the ebb and flow of capricious economic cycles. How can you recover? How can reassembling the rubble of your past lead to finding a meaningful way forward? Write! 

It seems too easy. I can hear your doubting Thomas saying, “nothing so simple as writing can heal this wound, or take away this pain”. Ahh, but it’s not simple and it’s not easy: it takes a lot of difficult and sometimes painful introspection to unravel and then articulate the ball of confusing emotions pent up inside of you. I guarantee you will open the computer or place a piece of paper in front of you and stare at the empty space for a while… perhaps a long while, before anything emerges.

If you’re lucky, your story will be perched precipitously on the edge of your fingertips and you won’t be able to keep up with the explosive flow of ideas emanating from within you. But that is rare. More than likely, you have spent years suppressing your story, rejecting it, trying to ignore or obliterate it from from your mind. But the tendrils of that amorphous mass of emotions has wriggled into your DNA. In spite of your heroic efforts to outrun it, it remains part of you and will not find peace until it sees the light of day. 

Expression is the solution, rather than expulsion. Accept what has happened to you and celebrate that by some twist of fate, you are still here to tell your story. You not only have a need to do it, you have a responsibility. Someone out there needs the other half of the key that you hold. Yes, your story is unique, but not so unique that perhaps thousands of other people might find liberation though hearing how you dealt with elements of your personal struggle. 

Ultimately, the most powerful tool for dealing with every day life is self knowledge. And there is no better way to access that repository of wisdom than through writing. Chances are you don’t need therapy, you don’t need a pill, you don’t need a bottle to make it though the day… you need a purpose. Slow down, sit down and pick up the mantle of the warrior waiting inside of you. It is said: “the pen is mightier than the sword:, that is true whether it be in dealing with interlopers from without or demons from within. Begin today, right now if possible. Don’t procrastinate. Just do it! 

How to Begin

OK, we’ve covered why you should write, now it’s time to discover how. Where do you start? The most fundamental principle is to have a comfortable place and posture. By that I mean that especially when you’re starting out, it’s important to have good support for your body and quiet for your mind. A favorite chair or sofa that is firm, but not hard will reduce the fatigue associated with sitting in one position for an extended period. Pick a time every day or several times a week that works well with your schedule. Of course, responsibilities have to come first, but either before or after that, carve out time in your day for you.

I don’t like to use a pen or pencil. My writing is illegible and my hand gets tired. Fortunately, I learned how to type at an early age and adapted well to writing on the computer. You have to find what works for you. Ultimately, the computer is the preferred platform, because if you choose to send your works to someone, it’s as easy as a click. Additionally, you may choose to publish your writing on the web in the form of a blog like this one and having already saved your thoughts in a digital form makes that much easier. But the most important thing is just to start writing, regardless of the way you do it. 

What to Write About

We discussed earlier how you life experiences can be mined for tantalizing stories, but maybe you’re one of the rare and fortunate individuals who is happy and well-adjusted. You are reconciled with your past, your present life is for the most part pleasurable and your future seems well in hand. Good for you! What contribution can you make? Chances are there is a secret to the settled life that you lead. Do you have a favorite hobby, do you volunteer for a special cause, are you able to travel? If so, where have you gone and what have you seen? If you say “I have nothing to write about”, I say, you’re not using your imagination. 

Don’t worry too much about a structure at first. You need to develop the discipline of writing and your “inner voice” and that will just take time and practice. Allow the thoughts to be “downloaded” from your mind in a process we will call “stream of consciousness”. Write several paragraphs and then read them over to better understand what you’ve written.

It may seem odd, but writing and understanding are not the same. It is almost as if your subconscious dumps the raw emotions and ideas on to the paper or computer and then your analytical mind endeavors to make sense of them. Don’t worry too much about grammatical correctness or syntax, just try to ensure that the paragraphs link up somewhat, to develop a flow of ideas, rather than leaping from one subject to another. There will be time later to correct and refine the work into something you can be proud of. 

Once you’ve decided what story you want to tell, try to identify several themes within that story that will form the various chapters. For an example: if you wished to tell people about your experiences volunteering in Africa, helping displaced families find food, water and housing, your list of chapters might read like this:

1. MY LIFE BEFORE AFRICA

2. THE DAY EVERYTHING CHANGED

3. THE HISTORY

4. THE PEOPLE

5. THE CRISIS

6. DOING THE IMPOSSIBLE

7. WHERE WE ARE TODAY

8. THE CHALLENGES GOING FORWARD

9. HOPE FOR THE FUTURE

10. MY LIFE AFTER AFRICA

This would make a great book! I’ll bet you’d like to read it now, based on the interesting chapter headings. This could be your book, but instead of Africa, maybe you’d discuss your challenges with overcoming a disease and the current state of research into a cure, etc. Or maybe your story would be about winning the lottery and how ironically, all that money solves some problems but creates many more. You catch my drift. The possibilities are limitless, as broad as the palette of human experience. 

Turning your story into a book

OK, hold on partner, you’re not ready for that quite yet. Don’t focus on the result, concentrate on finding your inner voice and refining it into a crystal clear message for yourself as well as your future readers. But you’ve set the goal of getting your story to a wide audience, through publishing a book.

Now when people ask “what do you do?” you can truly say “I am writing a book”.

 

It may take six months, it may take ten years, but you are on the path. Doesn’t it feel great? Stick with it and you will get there. 

Happy writing! 

-S.E. Mathias

 

6 Stupid Things that Women Do To Screw Up Their Relationships

Ladies, this is not meant to vilify you or to suggest that men are never at fault for messing up their relationships, there is certainly plenty of blame on both sides of the fence. But this article for men will be upcoming. Today, we will focus on mistakes you might be making that could be causing your partnership to stagnate or worse, become irreparably damaged. 

1. Don’t make men go shopping with you. 

Girls, I know that it feels nice when your man buys you something, but don’t drag him to the dress shop, for heaven’s sake. Men have a different relationship to shopping than you do. They buy when they need something, like a new tool, when the old one breaks. True, they do tend to spend lavishly on big ticket items, like cars and gadgets, but they generally do their research online first, or by asking their friends and associates. They don’t just go the the mall and peruse. For men there is nothing more boring than standing around looking at clothes. And when a man is bored, what does he do? He fantasizes about women. And what better place to do that then at a woman’s dress shop or the mall. That’s one reason this is not a good strategy.

You may like clothes, purses, shoes and jewelry, but don’t cajole your man into buying them by dragging him to the store with you. You should have your own money and go shopping by yourself or with your girlfriends. If he wants to buy you something as a gift, that’s great, but he may choose to show his love and devotion in other ways, like building or fixing things, taking you on vacations, arranging a romantic candlelight dinner, etc. 

As women complain about being valued only for their physical attributes, men feel many women see their wallet as an ATM machine. So if you want to be appreciated for your personality and actions as well as your body, extend the same balanced treatment to your man. Recognize him first and foremost for how he treats you, cares for and compliments you, rather than what he is able or willing to buy

2. Don’t try to change him into who you think he should be

Women often go into a relationship with the notion that their man is a lump of clay and it is their responsibility to mold him into a need fulfilling machine. While it is true, many women do seem to develop a sense of themselves and where they’re going far earlier than men, yet a man’s journey of personal development still has to be largely self directed. When a woman usurps that task and mistakenly assumes she can then influence his development for her own benefit, she plays with fire. He may go along for a while, especially if he was emotionally damaged by the last relationship, but eventually, he’ll realize he’s being duped. The result may be that he’ll bolt and find someone else with whom to share all the valuable lessons you taught him. 

It’s better to find a man who already has qualities you admire and that are compatible with your own. Yes, it may take a while longer to find the right fit. but when you head down the slippery slope of tinkering with other people’s personalities, you may create a monster that one day will bite the hand that feeds him. 

3. Don’t assume he can go toe to toe with you in the feelings department. 

I never understood how women expect men to be strong and sensitive, courageous and gentle, smart but not sarcastic, etc. OK, there are some exceptional men out there I guess who might fit that description, but how long do you plan to wait and do you really think they’re still single? Get real girl! Normal men usually fall squarely on one side of that line or the other. Either they are sweet and sensitive, but not particularly masculine or they are full of testosterone but not too well developed in the expression department. You have to choose what’s more important to you. Do you need a man to excite you and drive you wild in the bedroom or do you want one who will discuss philosophy all night, then wake up the next day and say “let’s go shopping”? Really? That’s what your girlfriends are for. If you find a good man who works hard, is faithful, generous, smart and funny, you’ve done well. 

Don’t emasculate him by expecting him to emote with you over your soap opera. You may end up with an androgynous bore who increasingly depends on you for affirmation and reassurance. 

4. Don’t participate in arguing. Don’t remain in a relationship where compatibility continues to be an issue

I once learned a very valuable lesson from a Siberian fur trader. He relied on 6-8 Huskies throughout the year for transportation, warmth, companionship, defense and so on. He was always training new dogs to replace the ones that would eventually be too old to provide their valuable services. Once in a while, a puppy would just display a stubbornness, a lack of ability to work with his peers or develop a functional relationship with his master. Instead of punishing the dog or forcing him to obey, his philosophy is “just find another dog”. This is a useful tip in human relationships too. People generally do not change. Their personalities are pretty much fixed before their 18th birthday. If you and your partner cannot agree on simple things, if either of you feel the need to be defensive or competitive, it’s not a good match. In other words, he may be a strong dog, a beautiful dog, but if he cannot work with you, then he will just hold you back and make you miserable. Just find another dog. 

5. Move on from little hurts. Don’t keep dredging them up to use as ammunition against your partner

Sorry ladies, but this is a characteristic feminine flaw, the inability to forget. Along the journey toward hopeful relationship bliss, there will be potholes, speed bumps and hazards, as each of you learn to navigate your own feelings and cope with each others’ differences. The result is that mistakes will be made on both sides. But where as men don’t reserve room in their brains to hang on to all that history, women do and they often replay it in technicolor in the context of an argument about something else. Men are more focused on the here and now, where as women see the relationship as a continuum, meaning that for them, what happened yesterday, last year or even a decade ago is just as relevant now as it was when it happened. 

Each time you place the spotlight on a past transgression, you rip open the wound and prevent it from healing, either for yourself or the relationship. Eventually, the timeline of the partnership is viewed only in the rearview mirror, punctuated by missteps and thoughtless acts or comments, rather than the quiescent and joyful spaces between them. You may feel it is useful to keep these moments of less than stellar behavior on the part of your man, visible, as a reminder to him to be more thoughtful about his actions. But he sees this as perpetual punishment and a prison of past mistakes from which he can never escape. Furthermore, since he cannot remember the details of these events nearly as well as you, he begins to doubt your retelling of the story. Each time they resurface, they appear to more sensational and to possess greater intensity. To him, this is akin to being retried over and over for the same crime and being found more guilty each time. This is a death nell for any relationship. To forget is a blessing. As each of you matures, so will your respective relationship to each other and these little hurts will begin to diminish in frequency. But if you refuse to let them fade into the past, as they should, the weight of collective guilt and injury will eventually snuff out any remaining passion and drive you farther apart. 

Focus on what he does right and if he is faithful, caring, gentle and affectionate, count your blessings and let go of the little hurts along the way. 

6. Don’t use sex as a way to control him.

You may not like it, but sex is a very important part of a man’s life, at least through middle age. So, if he’s not getting it from you, he may seek it elsewhere. Don’t use sex like a carrot and stick, offering it as a reward when he does something you want and then withholding it when you’re upset. Also, don’t always wait for him to initiate. Especially if you’ve been hot and cold in the past, he may fear that he’ll be rejected again, so show him that you desire intimacy. Don’t be subtle. Men don’t read your cryptic signals, they need concrete messages that don’t require interpretation. Grab him where it counts and say “Ooooh, I miss our time together”. That will get his attention for sure. 

 

 

 

If you've enjoyed this article, please feel free to comment and or share it with your friends on social media. 

You can also write me with questions about relationships at:

Shane Mathias