Happiness Tree

Tipping Points - The Often Overlooked Mechanism for Change

In our daily lives, it is so often the case that we feel frustrated by the pace of change:

The boring job drags on for years; primary relationships decline to become perfunctory living arrangements; our level of satisfaction peaks at mediocre and we begin to wonder...

What's the point?

 

But as with many less than optimal conditions of our lives, when we're honest about it, we have to admit, we are partly to blame. Mainly because, the solution seems illusory and uncertain, therefore fear creeps in to thwart our imagination. We begin to believe that positive change would require far too much energy and ultimately, not be worth the effort.

We fall back on well worn adages like: "be grateful for what you have"; "one bird in the hand is better than two in the bush". And so on. Perspectives which have merit, providing us with reminders to not feel sorry for ourselves when circumstances take a turn. But that should not preempt us from establishing goals and working toward them. 

Human destiny is all about personal and social evolution. Your imperative and reason for existing is to grow and prosper. The discoveries you make and the foundation you build along the way, goes on to benefit others that cross your path or follow behind you.

Therefore, that frustration you feel is not "just the way things are", but rather a signal to you to get off your butt and create something new. Even if the result of those efforts is far from certain, the process of creating is the key. It puts you in the flow, drawing opportunities into your sphere, in ways you can barely imagine now.

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"Creating is the key. It puts you in the flow,
drawing opportunities into your sphere,
                                  in ways you can barely imagine now".

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Having said that, there is another perceived barrier to achieving personal success and satisfaction: The task seems so daunting! 

This is because we often fail to break down the creative process into its composite parts, rather seeing the task as one momentous revolution that either fails miserably or lands us neatly in a new paradigm. 

 
And this is where I hope to focus your attention for a moment.

When we look at the process of change, from a scientific point of view, it becomes clear that rapid movement is possible when a critical point is reached: what we might call a Tipping Point. In chemistry, this tipping point is often brought on by a "catalyst". The introduction of a molecule that allows two otherwise disparate components to work together. 

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 "When we look at the process of
change, from a scientific point of view,
it becomes clear that rapid movement
is possible when a critical point is reached"

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In more general terms, we might refer to this process as Synergy, Critical Mass or a Positive Feedback Loop. The importance of this largely unseen reality cannot be overlooked in your own life and can be used to make incredible strides with seemingly little effort. But you must take the first step.

Set your intention to develop something new in your life. A new line of work, a new creative endeavor getting in shape, a new relationship, whatever. Take small steps every day or several times a week toward that goal. Make time for that in your busy schedule, do it, then move on to something else. Let the momentum you create through your periodic attention build, behind the scenes. The incredible power of this strategy is under appreciated because it seems so simple.... and it is. 

This may be the force behind what many people refer to as "The Secret". Setting your intention on a goal, maintaining an optimistic view of the result and letting the rest take care of itself. Yet, there is still an air of mystery in this approach, a missing link that seems to undermine the entire theory.

Let me demystify it for you: 

It's all about Passion.

Passion in this case is the Catalyst for change. When you care deeply about something, your mind (subconscious) tells your brain (the organic computer inside your head), "work on this problem". The brain gladly takes his or her marching orders (because it likes to be busy) and starts deconstructing the obstacles and devising solutions.

Even when you're not aware of it, this powerful machine (perhaps the most complex in the universe) begins developing new neural networks specifically orchestrated to find answers to this unique challenge. 

By periodically engaging with the process on a physical level, you fine tune the momentum, giving your brain more information to work with. Even if you're just experimenting or having fun with the challenge, your brain takes it as a serious matter. He/She gathers skills and wisdom buried deep in your DNA and starts drawing a map for success

One day, you wake up and the field of possibilities seems somehow larger. The analysis is complete, your brain has delivered its findings to your subconscious and Voila! 

There are many examples of this throughout history:

Einstein arrived at the Theory of Relativity this way.

Mendeleev suddenly understood the relationships between the various elements in the universe and created the "Periodic Table of the Elements", which is still at the foundation of chemical science today.

 

Paul McCartney wrote "Yesterday" after receiving it in a dream. 

The Tipping Point is a powerful tool that is available to everyone, if only they will use it. 

 Just be careful what you wish for: It may come true! 

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-Shane Eric Mathis is the author of "The Happiness Tree", available on Amazon, Barnes and Noble and Smashwords. 

As always, feel free to share this article with friends and family and do comment if you're so inspired. I will respond.

 

 

 

 

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WHEN RELATIONSHIPS END

In my new book, "The Happiness Tree" available on Amazon and Barnes and Noble online bookstores, you'll find the following important treatise on Relationships. Please enjoy and share with your friends and family on Facebook and other Social Media platforms. Please, also share your thoughts at the bottom of the article. 

Most importantly, take my thoughts to heart. Sometimes, our relationships are part of our journey, rather than a destination in and of themselves. If you understand and apply that concept you'll recover faster when a valued partnership suddenly takes a turn. 

Our love relationships are among our most intense human connections. Unlike those we share with family and friends, they reach into every part of our lives, intellectual, emotional and physical. And when they end, whether that ending results from a death or irreconcilable differences, the pain can be unbearable.

Recovery however, just like any grieving process, does have a beginning a middle and an end. Yet the end, will most likely not return you neatly back to where you started before the relationship began… you and your life will be inexorably altered by the experience. And perhaps that is the take-away message here: That we grow more from our painful losses and failures than we do from our triumphs. 

The imperative to grow, when we truly examine the choices and actions we've made, seems to lead us into challenging situations, where the likelihood of a successful outcome is low and yet we continue to follow the same counter-productive patterns. Then one day, usually after several major relationships are resigned to the rear view mirror, we decide to reduce our vulnerability by either making the decision to live alone or finding partners based on practical considerations rather than just emotional ones. This is what we decide that our failures are trying to tell us, that to follow our heart is to court disaster. But this seemingly rational response to a series of heartaches signifies a loss of innocence, a hardening of our hearts: as though we could avoid future emotional pain by just becoming determined to feel less. 

If you look hard enough, you can see these refugees of love's losses all around you. Like the walking wounded, they remain insulated in their little bubbles, unwilling and eventually unable to create meaningful connections, because they have lost the ability to trust anyone, including themselves. If you allow life's less-than-happy twists and turns to make you bitter, you may one day find yourself among these refugees: living on the periphery of everything, unable to dedicate passion to any pursuit, as you have come to perceive the development of passion as the slippery slope, which always leads to pain. 

So how can you recover from these relationship pitfalls while keeping your heart open to new, healthier possibilities? Well, first of all, just know that all relationships are a gamble and that by entering into one, you agree to potentially expose yourself to pain and loss.

This however should not deter you. Life is all about experiences and growth and while you may suffer the loss of something meaningful if and when it ends, the experiences you will share with another human being will become woven into the poignant tapestry of your life.

We become richer, more seasoned, compassionate and hopefully wiser human beings when we allow ourselves to leap into the unknown once in a while. The key is in how you engage in your relationships and as with many of life's challenges, the operative word is balance.

I have learned that to be in love does not necessitate losing yourself in the process, though many do. And when they do, they become fearful that if their love is not returned to the degree they expect or if their partner begins to drift away that they themselves, will also drift away and eventually disappear.

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When you love deeply, for those of you who are intensely emotional, the tendency is to invest yourself totally in the relationship, tying your own personal destiny to the ebb and flow of capricious love.

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But I warn you: though you believe this demonstrates to your partner how deeply in love you are, it tempts almost certain disaster. Now you are no longer the confident, happy, spontaneous, fun person you once were.  You slowly become fearful, apprehensive, untrusting, paranoid and cynical. Why? Because you have invested everything into something you know is risky, so you find yourself hyper-vigilant to any sign of weakness in the bonds that connect you.

 Your fears are actually negative thoughts that yearn to be vindicated, so you begin seeking evidence to defend your position that your partner is being unfair, has fallen out of love, or has even become unfaithful.

And like a self fulfilling prophesy your constant focus on and expectation of calamity drives your partner away and potentially creates the very scenario you fear. 

If you're young, I say, first learn about what it is to live alone. Learn to enjoy your own company and how to be self-sufficient. This will help you recognize that you don't need someone else to be functional or happy. There are many sources of joy and passion in this world, from which you can choose. Revealing a hidden talent or exposing yourself to areas of learning that excite you can bring tremendous satisfaction.

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Your continued personal development relies on you engaging in these activities before and after you decide to create a lasting partnership. 

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Someday though, love will come calling and you will feel helpless to resist its pull. That's okay, it's normal and natural, go with it. But always maintain that awareness of SELF that you established earlier.

Continue to develop and maintain your inner core, to nurture your own passions and talents. Embrace an attitude of sharing yourself with another, rather than just becoming one half of a relationship.

In this way, you are likely to recover faster if love takes an unfortunate turn. You will still have the full life you had before your relationship started and that will form the impenetrable base, below which you will not fall. 

If you're more mature, and love's dagger has struck you down in midlife, it may find it more difficult to recover. As we get older, we are naturally likely to have more intense feelings and even visions of living out our lives with one special person.

When those hopes are dashed, we may fear this has condemned us to live alone forever more, forgotten and invisible. And as our social network has probably been pruned back, we may find less of a safety net underneath us to cushion our fall. This is why it becomes more important to carefully consider the people we bring into our lives. We no longer have the luxury of time to make costly mistakes. Now the stakes are much higher and the crowd of likely candidates has diminished. Those that remain likely have suffered their own emotional setbacks, causing them to also be apprehensive of any future commitments.

The key here is to choose carefully and not to bet the farm on every new connection. And even though you're older and less active, it's still important, maybe even more so, to stay engaged in activities that you enjoy, that fulfill you.

This is a good plan whether in preparation for a future with someone new, or as a strategy for healing from a recent loss. Stay positive, resist the temptation to become bitter and insulated, examine your own mistakes and thereby find forgiveness for those who caused you pain.

Realize that they are on their own path of discovery and most likely suffering in their own way.

Smile a lot, take care of your health, read, write, exercise or just rest, whatever seems to bring relief or distraction. But take care not to begin habits like repetitive drug use or drinking to excess to dull the pain. These seemingly temporary coping mechanisms can actually develop into pernicious addictions that will drive down your chances of a full recovery. The emotional pain, while extremely unpleasant, is actually part of the healing and recovery process. Without it, we may not be sufficiently motivated to analyze our past missteps and recalibrate for a greater likelihood of future success. 

Put one foot in front of the other, continue to take care of yourself as well as all the people, things and details of your life. Day by day, the pain will give way to insight and growth. This is what it is to be human. Be grateful for what you have and for that day, waiting for you at some point in the unknowable future, when you’ll be ready for love to once again find you worthy. 

 

 All preceding content is copyrighted and excerpted from 

The Happiness Tree

by Shane Eric Mathias

ISBN: 9 781504 343343
Now available on Amazon and Barnes and Noble online retailers,
as well selected bookstores

A REVOLUTIONARY IDEA TAKES ROOT IN SAN DIEGO - WHAT WAS OLD IS NEW AGAIN

It was another one of those halcyon days in San Diego, which we experience with such frequency, we almost have a collective sense of guilt, when we think about the rest of humanity, living anywhere else...(I said almost). 

And for an enlightened few, this "another day in paradise" experience, was further enhanced. by the privilege of partaking in a revolutionary marketplace called the Backyard Fruit Exchange, Swap Meet.

As our bodies were warmed by the Southern Sun and cooled by the breeze wafting off Mission Bay, our hearts were filled by the simple exchange of healthy, homegrown foods, between like minded urban farmers, brought together by an idea which is at once old and new again.

 

 

 

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Since the beginning of time, man has fished, grown, foraged for and made what he could and traded that for those resources beyond his grasp. And because the human diet is so marvelously varied, there are an endless myriad of foods that we can enjoy. The commercial marketplace has responded to this by setting up industrialized food production, that trades quality for quantity.

 

Furthermore, having become unwitting slaves to this system, we have been reluctantly forced to accept that the ingestion of fertilizers, antibiotics and pesticides is an unfortunate reality of modern society. 

But what happened last Saturday and happens the first Saturday of every month, gave us all a glimpse into how a truly evolved, conscience-driven society could function and feed itself, while building and maintaining communal ties between neighbors. The Backyard Fruit Exchange Swap Meet is just such an experiment and judging by the turnout and the enthusiasm, it will only grow.

For our part, we brought homemade Shea butter moisturizer, passion fruit, kale and rosemary and we went home with fresh bread...yumm!, farm fresh eggs, preserves made with wine and chocolate truffles. Man, what a wonderful breakfast we whipped up after a vigorous morning of talking and trading.

11This is a trend that every town, city and community can and should begin. Many of us are blessed with unused or under-used land on our property. Land that could be used to grow, fruit and vegetables. There are so many aspects of modern society that we may feel helpless to change, but where our food comes from doesn't have to be one of them.

Come next month to the next Backyard Fruit Exchange Swap Meet, held in De Anza cove, the first Saturday of every month and become part of the movement that is as old as mankind and as new as a gorgeous Spring day in San Diego.

 

-Shane Eric Mathias