It may seem like an odd question, but for those who have been under stress for years, the body and brain become conditioned to anxiety and worry. All systems recognize this as "normal", such that when another feeling attempts to rise above the fray, the individual senses it as "unfamiliar" and the usual pattern is reestablished.
This insidious and unhealthy condition becomes the invisible bubble through which many see and interact with the world. Unable to feel completely connected to anyone or anything, because fear is the only companion they trust.
As sad as this sounds, I would bet that many of you either know someone suffering from this perceptual distortion or that you yourself feel trapped in this vicious cycle.
If so, there is good news! There is life after worry and stress and there is a world, just beyond the one you're currently living in where peace and harmony rule the day. But it will take a little "re-patterning" to get you there.
First and foremost, you must take a leap of trust
You must admit you're exhausted from living this way and that you desperately desire to be unchained from the mill wheel of worry. So much so that you're willing to grope in the dark for a while, confident that you will eventually discover a passageway to a new paradigm.
If you're not there yet, let's discuss some facts
Stress kills. Stress is perhaps the leading and most under diagnosed cause of every major (non-contagious) illness that plagues society today. That would include heart disease, cancer, mental illness, (including Alzheimers and dementia), obesity, diabetes and the list goes on.
While this should be enough to motivate even the most stubborn individual, change is not easy. Living with stress as a constant companion in a way is inherited. Not necessarily genetically (although that may be a component), but inherited though observation of parental behavior.
Stress Patterns Often Begin in Childhood
If a parent was constantly on the edge and over-reacting to stimuli, the young person's brain begins establishing neural networks to emulate this behavior. Put another way, "monkey see, monkey do". And that type of hard-wired pattern is difficult to break out of, because literally, the sufferer really knows no other way.
So where do you start?
There is indeed some work to do first. That is why you have to be sufficiently motivated, because there will be rough patches, where you will slide back and feel overwhelmed. You must trust that there is a new, better day ahead and stay the course, even when the goal is not yet in sight. What follows are some changes you'll need to consider.
Stress Producing Relationships
This work is highly individual, depending on your particular situation. Many people living in a stress bubble perceive the world as a dangerous place and believe there is strength and security in numbers. They form alliances with others who perceive the world in a similar way, thereby compounding their own stress as they have now-in a way-assumed responsibility for another person. A person who rather than being an asset, has become a dependent liability.
This may be a brother, sister, wife, husband, friend, or other co-dependent person. The similar personality styles reinforce each other, making it yet more difficult to make a fresh start. These negative, stress reinforcing relationships must evolve or be brought to a close if any progress is to be made. This can be a scary proposition, understandably and it may require some professional support to gain the necessary confidence to strike out on your own.
Evaluate Your Work and Make Necessary Changes
Other situations that may cause or reinforce stress in our lives are our work environments. Unfortunately, the workplace can bring out the most disgusting and destructive human behaviors. People gossip, form alliances against one another, undermine coworkers reputations by telling lies and so on. These people and situations cannot be changed. What must change is you. These hostile and toxic environments, while very common are not normal or healthy. You must find another more suitable and appropriate work that brings positive things to your life.
Optimize Health
The person with a healthy body is the one most likely to experience happiness. That is not to say that persons living with chronic conditions like arthritis or other "auto-immune" disorders cannot be happy, indeed they can. But efforts must be made to achieve their best level of health given their circumstances. Once one is on the path towards better health, when "Sustainable Happiness" does begin to develop, often the symptoms of the underlying condition subsides or it may disappear all together.
To Change your Brain, You Must Change Your Life. And Visa Versa
Meaning that if you want to bring peace and harmony into your life, you must involve yourself in activities that support it. People who arrive home after work to stressful relationships, then start watching stress producing images on television, then retire to bed, only to toss and turn, feeling tired when they awaken, cannot just make a shift to a better life. They must involve their mind and hands in new positive and productive patterns.
This is why so many people take on a hobby or begin to experiment with art or gardening. It is extremely therapeutic. In many cases, this one change alone can start a cascade of new thoughts and experiences that alter consciousness. You can view yourself from a new perspective. As someone who is capable of success. Someone who can set goals and achieve them.
Perhaps the one most important repetitive thought that reinforces stress is "I am powerless". When you come to understand that you are indeed powerful and capable of surprising yourself by acquiring new skills, problems that you once just resigned yourself to suddenly appear surmountable. You begin solving problems rather than just accepting them.
What does happiness feel like in the body?
In essence, how will you know you've arrived or are heading in the right direction? When you start feeling different in your body. We think of stress as a mental condition, yet it not only affects but also resides in the body. Therefore, when stress begins to dissipate, a lightness arises within us. We may awaken to a strange feeling: the absence of negative thoughts.
But before that happens, the mind becomes clear and this opens up a new world of awareness. Suddenly, you look outside and recognize it's a beautiful day. Many similar days may have passed you by and no such observation was made. But now, it hits you: Life is good! Maybe you'll go for a walk or start on a creative project. A new source of energy becomes apparent and as a result, more seems possible.
Then the awareness descends from the mind into the body. The pain and discomfort that was once a constant has moved out. What replaces it at first, feels like and uncomfortable void. Then you realize: this is how I was meant to feel. Relaxed, calm, energetic yet not neurotic. The thought arises to pinch yourself. Perhaps this is a dream state or some chemical imbalance has altered reality. Yet the wonderful truth is, you have finally emerged from the altered state you thought was real. This is actually life as it was meant to be lived.
And now that you have experienced it, you don't ever have to go back to your previous tortured existence. You are free.
Doesn't it feel great?
Shane Eric Mathias is the author of the groundbreaking new book, "The Happiness Tree", now available through all online book retailers.
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