Overcoming the Fear of Being Average

A 21 year old reader asks how to compete with others
who are so much more talented than himself

Answer: If I were to give into the fear that many other articles have already answered your question, I might be sufficiently intimidated not to try . But I feel that I do indeed have something unique and important to contribute. And that is what you must come to believe about yourself and your future.

Courage is not the absence of fear.
It is Action, in the presence of fear.

 

Though there is no reason to believe that you do not possess at least as much potential as your peers, think optimistically and see that fear as a motivation to improve and excel.

It has been shown in study after study that those with natural talent may pull ahead artistically and or academically at first, but then as challenges rise and multiply, it is those who have had to work hard to achieve their goals that actually have the necessary work ethic and system for learning that propels them beyond their competition.

Additionally, many people don’t wake up to their mis-spent lives until well into middle age. And though it may seem to you that time is running out, I can assure you, it is not. You are right where you should be at this time of your life. Asking all the right questions.

Let's Consider Another Point  - The Meaning of Success

How are you defining success? You said that your peers are more successful than yourself. How do you define that which they possess and which you presume to lack?

Success is an intangible term and one which appears very different, depending on who is looking and from which angle. More often than not, your own success is seen upon reflection, in the rear view mirror, after many years of trials, triumphs and tragedies.

You are looking across the playing field at other competitors and seeing them carrying the ball. You have no idea whether they will soon fumble, run out of steam, be intercepted or simply lose interest. It is only after the game is over that the final score can be tallied.

The key to a life lived successfully, is staying power.

Very often in horse racing, those jockeys who compel their steed to explode out of the gate early, run out of steam before the race is over. Where as, a seasoned jockey knows to hold down the speed throughout the majority of the race to preserve energy and to see which adversaries present the greatest challenge.

Then, in the last lap, when the other horses are winded and about ready to collapse, he calls on that reserve energy and easily wins the race.

If you see yourself from this perspective, it becomes clear that you’re on the right path. If your peers are already deep into the race at 21, chance are, they will run out of steam by 30, where as you’ll just be coming up from behind to overtake them.

An intense level of engagement at such an early age lays the groundwork for big mistakes to be made. Enemies pile up, lawsuits start rolling in, health problems ensue and depression or drug addiction finishes them off.

If you think this is an overly cynical observation, look at the many child or teen entertainers and recording artists that burned out early, lost their will to continue and died young.

It is said: “The candle that burns twice as hot, burns half as long”.

Your goal is to see “success” from the standpoint of an entire life, well lived. Take the long view and begin by spending this precious time learning about yourself, what it means to live a healthy, sustainably happy life, about history, humanity, arts, different cultures, science, the rise and impact of various religions. Learn a second language. Seek a broad based, self-driven education, in addition to the your institutional endeavors.

Volunteer your time to those less fortunate than yourself and learn what success means to them. In your journey, you may discover that for many people, success is defined as having a full tummy and a safe, dry place to sleep for the night. This turns our whole concept of happiness on its head.

Suddenly, you realize, it’s all relative and that what really matters is being surrounded by your loved ones, being healthy and having the opportunity to make your life a little better, every day.

All these experiences will contribute to building you into a person of character and wisdom. Not someone who defines themselves by how many Facebook friends they have.

Learning these lessons will pay huge dividends later in your life, when you meet the partner of your dreams and start to prepare to receive the many joys waiting in your future.

Then, when you walk into your 20th high school reunion, with your beautiful spouse and see all those fat, divorced, miserable peers that you once looked up to, you’ll understand that your happiness has resulted from pacing yourself. Taking each step thoughtfully and consciously. Seeing each challenge as an opportunity to learn and improve.

-Shane Eric Mathias