I know from experience that the last thing an unhappy person is likely to do is read a book or a lengthy article on how to find happiness. That is why I decided to cover the major points here, so you can get on with the business of living, rather than just reading about it.
So here we go.
Here are the major key areas of your life that need to be maintained and functioning well in order for happiness to grow.
Love
A. Self Love - This is more important than familial or romantic love. You must stop focusing on what you believe others think of you, or what you have been told in the past, as often, those judgements arise from the speaker's self loathing. Spend time alone, steeped in an activity like walking or gardening (something that allows the mind to wander) and talk to yourself. That's right! Have a conversation about what makes you unique and special (trust me, there is something) and learn to love and cultivate that. Love is contagious. When you love yourself, others will also find you more interesting and attractive.
B. Optimize your Relationships - Having lots of friends, whether on Facebook or in the flesh sounds great, but it is of little real importance. Having one or two friends you can trust and that truly love you is priceless. Weed out the part time, "fair weather" friends and focus on strengthening those connections that are truly worth saving.
When it comes to family, it becomes a little harder. Just because you're related doesn't mean you like each other or are compatible. Parents, siblings, spouses, even children can drain our life energy through manipulation, interference, meddling, jealously and anger. To find true happiness, you must distance yourself physically and emotionally from these individuals. It may not be easy, but not doing so perpetuates the bad behavior. When you finally put up that wall, those family members who mistreat you will find someone else upon whom to focus their vitriol. And you will find a new "Freedom" and peace of mind that rests on courage and self-determination.
Health
A. Physical Health - Being in the best possible physical health is essential preparation for happiness to flourish. For each person, this may mean something different. Many of us struggle with chronic diseases such as arthritis, diabetes, high blood pressure, etc. Sometimes, it is our behavior that causes these maladies to arise and take hold. When that is the case, doing what is needed to eliminate these dis-ease, factors from our lives will make more energy available to improve or just live our lives.
Work on reducing excess weight, improve sleep habits, learn about and practice wholesome eating habits, reduce stress at work and home by changing jobs if necessary and establishing good lifestyle habits.
B. Emotional Health - It is not an overstatement to say that most of us have emotional health issues. Some hold us back and limit our joy and others can be serious, life threatening patterns. Many of these emotional patterns arise in childhood. Left unchecked, they follow us into adulthood, interfering in our self esteem, relationships and with achieving success. Though it may seem counter-intuitive, spend time alone, reading, listening to videos and podcasts on various aspects of human emotions. Your inner mind (subconscious) knows where healing is needed. By strolling through a bookstore, surfing videos and other resources on human emotions, you will find yourself attracted to certain subjects and areas of study. Follow those and be led instinctively toward healing from the inside out. The progress will be slow, but eventually permanent and life altering. Invest time in your Emotional Life and reap the dividends of a clear mind, at peace.
Freedom
Freedom and Purpose are less tangible components of your happiness strategy, but no less important. It is this "mysterious quality" that keeps people from understanding or working on these areas of their lives. Don't let that be you.
Freedom is the absence of restraints by internal or external forces. Forces which might otherwise seek to keep you from reaching your full potential. Sadly and all too often our own limits are merely imagined. But when we imagine those limits long enough, they harden into beliefs and then become self-imposed barriers to success.
Examples of how this insidious and common dysfunction manifests in our lives are: lack of confidence, or fear of failure; choosing to stay in relationships that do not serve you and that drain your personal power.
Another big problem is laziness - not overcoming inertia. But laziness is usually something else in disguise. More often than not:Fear. Overcome the fear and the energy to address challenges will be easily ignited.
Other Freedom robbers are the expectations of others. "You must marry this or that kind of person". "You must finish school and begin your career as (fill in the blank)". "You must run the family business or take care of your brother". Whatever. You catch my drift. It may be counterintuitive, but most barriers to our freedom, involve us not choosing to be free.
It may not be easy, it may feel selfish and cruel, but in reality, by holding yourself back, you are encouraging those who oppress you to remain stuck in their dysfunctional patterns too. If you choose freedom of thought, freedom of love, freedom of passion, those who depend on your failure, will need to find alternative means of meeting their needs. That very action may also lead to their growth and personal empowerment. This is how self care benefits you and everyone around you. Even your detractors.
Purpose
This is what everything else leads up to. This is the rarefied air at the top of the summit, the frosting on the cake, the meaning of life, whatever metaphor seems to fit.
When you have organized and optimized the preceding branches of your Happiness Tree, you will have the space, time and energy in your life to discover and follow your passion. This is a human birthright that few ever get the opportunity to exploit. Henry David Theoreau said: "Most [people] lead lives of quiet desperation and die with their song still inside them".
Whether by Nature, the Universe or God, fate intends for us to find our purpose and leave our world a better place.
The truth is, having structure in our lives, a driving passion, a reason to get up in the morning, gives our life meaning. It makes the journey more interesting and satisfying. It gets us engaged in the world around us, puts us in contact with like-minded people, expands our mind, improves our health and ultimately, makes us happier. If we do end up leaving the world a better place, great!
That's it! You've completed the Quick Start Guide to Happiness. How does it feel?
Whether you know it or not, you are now more empowered to go out and make your life better.
Now, I challenge you to re-evaluate these 4 areas of your life: Love, Health, Freedom and Purpose and do all you can to optimize them. I guarantee you that this process will result in a better life and greater overall satisfaction.
For more resources please avail yourself of these other great resources:
• SEMathias.com
• The Happiness Tree book
• Wonderlust.com
• Mind Cultivation.com
• The Art of Wellbeing
-Shane Eric Mathias
Find me on Facebook and Twitter. Or email me for questions or comments.
To receive free notifications of new content on The Happiness Tree, please send an email to The Happiness Tree
Copy and paste "SIGN ME UP" into the subject line.
Thank you!