Happiness Tree

Alone For the Holidays? It's Okay. And Here is Why

If you're like me, you have a very small family, or your family lives far away and you unfortunately see them less than you'd like. As a result, holidays, like Christmas and the New Year can seem especially cruel. Images of families, happily sharing meals, opening gifts together, laughing and rejoicing in each other's company stream across our television screens and flash from our computers, causing us to feel that we're somehow flawed if we find ourselves alone at this time. 

But in contrast, I can tell you, having known people who are expected to attend the same family gatherings year after year, many secretly long to curl up alone by the fire and read a book. They may be surrounded all day, every day, by people at work and at home and when that holiday vacation rolls around, they'd rather be anywhere but at Aunt Susan's stuffing their faces, feeling bloated and listening to the same mind-numbing stories and bad jokes.

So understand, first and foremost, there are many who would envy your solitude. Try to appreciate this as a time to reflect on the passing year, a chance to imagine how you'll create new opportunities for yourself in the year that's beginning to appear just over the horizon. 

Yes, there may be pain

Yes, the reasons for your solitude may be painful and complicated. I understand that, having spent several Holidays alone. It seems to be the time when we feel most intently the absence of those we love, or have loved. And like me, you've probably had to hold it together all year, in spite of your personal challenges. Hold it together for work, for family or maybe you just stoically refused to let it affect you. But now, here you are. It's just you and the undeniable reality of your life, as it currently is. Your solitude at this inauspicious time is forcing you to confront your demons. Don't push it away. Let the tears flow, have a good cry, feel the pain and understand that on the other side, will be healing and renewal. 

It's not unlike the Natural cycle of the seasons. In Winter, animals slow down or hibernate, plants become dormant and shed their leaves. The sky becomes dark and rain cleanses the land. All in preparation for Spring, when new life looks only forward, remembering not the somber days past. 

We are part of Nature. As such, whether you believe it or not, we also have seasons. Some are colder and harsher than others. Many bring abundance and warmth, but we have little control over when stormy weather will once again descend We must accept that there will be painful or lonely times. Remember, stars can only shine when the sky is dark. You too must know darkness to know light.

It is a natural, normal transformative process and when you emerge, as the butterfly does from her chrysalis you'll have more clarity, greater self awareness and a renewed sense of purpose and connectedness. 

 

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Here is an excerpt from one of my other articles on "The Essential Power of Solitude".

"To co-opt a term from the digital world, solitude allows us to "download" the raw images, feelings and thoughts from our complex external lives and process them into usable data, creating and updating a matrix through which we become increasingly efficient at extracting lessons and knowledge, that eventually season into wisdom.

For most of us, from the moment we awaken, until we return to sleep, our lives are filled with activity. The health of our social spheres and indeed our very survival depend on us being present and intentionally aware during these activities. But that intense focus and busyness must be punctuated by intervals of silence and solitude, otherwise, our mind never gets a chance to catch up, to remain continually acquainted with our evolving sensations and experiences. We miss out on the rich consciousness building kernels of understanding that eventually add up to personal growth.

It would be like eating, for the shear pleasure of taste, but then having the food pass through us undigested, gaining nothing from the nutrients locked within. While your digestive system can function just fine on the run, your mind cannot. It needs rest and time to update it's circuits. And this can only be accomplished during periods of solitude". 

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So use this time to enjoy and gain inner peace from your solitude. Yes, you may be alone, but take inventory of all that is still right in your life: you have warmth and shelter, you have food in the fridge and you have your health. You are better off than a great many other people struggling all day, every day across the globe. Focus on that, give thanks and prayers for others less fortunate.

Be well, 

-Shane

 

As the Planet Warms, Humanity Feels the Chilling Effect of Technology

Have you experienced something like this this?

Let's say you need to obtain a document critical to refinancing your home.

You call your current mortgage company to request the document. The first voice you hear belongs to a computer. You prevail through the plethora of mind-numbing choices and select the one that seems to best fit your particular need.

If you're lucky enough to eventually speak to a human being, you may find yourself wondering if you have been cruelly cast in a science fiction / horror movie against your will. Some sort of post-apocalyptic cluster-fuck that has no end. It goes something like this:

• An agent for your existing mortgage company tells you that you must create and send a letter to the corporate office before they can release the information. When they receive the letter, it may take up to 15 business days for them to respond.

• When you do finally receive the response, it comes in the form of a threatening looking letter from the corporate headquarters. It explains in legalese, that their computer records show that you have not made your last 3 payments. Therefore, you are now in default on your loan and not only will they refuse to provide the document you need, but you will most likely lose your home. You know that you've requested your bank to pay your mortgage automatically from your checking account. So now, you must contact the bank and ask if or why those payments have not been sent.

• You call the bank and you suffer through yet another barrage of choices. Then some torturous music once used by the CIA to wear down hardened terrorists, plays endlessly. Someone from another country, speaking with an accent you can barely understand eventually answers and states their operator number and asks you for a stream of identifying information. 

• The agent finally tells you that they have made all the required payments. You ask why is it that the mortgage company has no record of having received them. The agent says she has no idea. You request that they call the mortgage company to verify to them that the bank made the payments. The agent says they will not share any of your information with a 3rd party. 

• You ask through clenched teeth "What is my recourse?" The agent tells you that you must download form number 0410-6918B from their website, print it, fill it out and fax it to their office in the morning. This form (if it is approved), will allow the bank to talk to your mortgage company on your behalf. But it will take another 15 days for the bank to receive the form, review and approve it and then fax back their response. 

And so it goes, on and on like this until you're about ready to pull out what remains of your hair. And this is only one of the many issues we, as adults, must confront in our increasingly complicated and de-humanized world.

 

WHAT IS THE ISSUE?

Computerization, automation and robotization is rendering human involvement in almost every field to some extent, irrelevant. The Guardian Magazine writes that The Bank of America claims almost 1/2 the global manufacturing jobs will be automated by 2050. The Deloitte consultancy firm states that automation has already replaced some 11 million jobs in the U.K. since 2001. While this may be a boon to large business owners, able to do business more efficiently and cheaply, it provides a narrowing field of opportunities for middle class workers who once made everything possible through human energy: documenting; filing; calling; answering; making; selling; packaging; loading; driving; receiving; stocking; etc. 

Now increasingly, computers do everything. And when they make a mistake, as they often do, there is no one to blame. Corporations can now deflect responsibility by claiming that the software had a glitch,  that their system was hacked by rogue cyber-terrorists, that there was a power outage. Often, isolated from their customers by a firewall of gate keepers, obfuscating customer service practices and downright arrogance, corporations feel no compunction to give a reason when they fail to fulfill their responsibilities or agreements. And lobbyists ensure that government officials will look the other way, even when millions of constituents demand accountability. 

HOW DOES THIS CHANGE AFFECT US?

Not even to speak to the loss of jobs that once provided employment and a sense of purpose and connectedness to millions of workers: Our computerized and mechanized world is becoming colder, less humane. More like the remotely controlled, surveillance state we once wrote off as impossible fantasy in George Orwell's book, "1984". 

In the past, when you complained to another man or woman on the phone that you needed help, that person could feel the humanity in your voice. They could put themselves in your shoes and understand your anxiety and frustration. As a result, they might be more inclined to take up your cause. A computer feels nothing. It doesn't care if you live or die, if you become homeless, if you can't get medical care or that you may spend half the week on the phone chasing down an elusive document. 

And we have become unwitting volunteers in the dehumanization of our own society.

Every time you or I text instead of call. Every time you or I send an email instead of a letter; every time you or I purchase something online rather than go to the store and buy it from a cashier; every time you or I bank online or go to the ATM machine instead of speaking with the teller... you and I are signifying that we prefer, that we like this new world order. That we not only accept it, but we embrace it. And I AM as guilty as anyone! 

The ability to do everything from your computer, while relaxing in your pajamas is seductive. The very article you are now reading would not have been possible without this technological advantage. But as with all things new, humans over-indulge. We obsess and dive in, ignorant of the consequences. And in this case, we do so at our peril.

I have written extensively about the common sight of young people slumped over their phone, interacting with a device, rather than laughing and socializing with their friends, as they should. It raises all kinds of troubling questions: Will these individuals have deformed spines from this repetitive activity? Will they be effectively able to interact with other humans on a face to face basis in business, political and social settings? Will they develop robust language skills if they now communicate primarily in emoticons and abbreviated phrases?

How much farther can we descend down this rabbit hole? How will we learn to work together, to compromise, to resolve our differences and heal our past transgressions if we allow our lives to be contained in, controlled by and negotiated through computers? 

WHAT CAN YOU DO TODAY TO ADDRESS THIS ISSUE?

In Business - Demand accountability from those with whom you do business. It will take more work and time initially, but in many cases, you will prevail. When you don't get satisfaction over the phone and when it is possible, go to the company office and demand a meeting with a supervisor. Write letters and leave comments on Yelp.com, Next-door.com, Facebook or even the company's own website. Tell your friends, coworkers and associates about your negative experience and implore them to avoid doing business with this firm. 

Though business entities continue to wall themselves off behind a smokescreen of algorithms and delirious complexity, they are still beholden to customer loyalty and corporate image. Damage to their brand or a loss of faith in their integrity and reliability, especially when that message is carried by many voices, can and will hurt them where they are most vulnerable: their pocketbook.

Personally - Resist the temptation to text everything. Use the "phone" as phones were intended to be used: To actually talk to someone. Go to the store once in a while and pick out a greeting card when a friend or associate has a birthday or other life event, rather than sending an e-card or a Facebook post.

In spite of the march of technology, people will always desire human company. Force yourself to turn off your phone, find volunteer opportunities that put you in touch with people from other walks of life or who are less fortunate than yourself. Get involved in creative or physical activities that require team participation. Use your hands to make things. Remind yourself and others that there is and will always be something unique and special about handmade items. Remember that they carry some indefinable quality imbued in them by their maker. Take walks. Get out in Nature and learn about rocks, birds and flowers. 

IN CONCLUSION

There is still a whole world out there beyond your computer. The rest of the human race may be running like lemmings over the technological cliff, but that doesn't mean you have to. And when you find your life, your peace of mind and your very existence being put at risk by the cold march of "technological progress", fight back. 

One day, whether by catastrophe or just society's expiring fascination with bits and bytes, the human factor will come back into vogue again. Maybe, just maybe, by not allowing ourselves to be blindly swept away by a tide of automation, we can rekindle an interest in those wonderful qualities of the human experience that no computer will ever be able to emulate. 

-Shane Eric Mathias