People who cheat on their partners may not understand what the big deal is... until it happens to them. Probably most of us have hurt someone in the past, by being less than faithful to our commitments, but it's the serial cheaters who do real damage, leaving a field of broken spirits in the wake of their destructive behavior.
What follows are some of the reasons you should avoid becoming or associating with someone who demonstrates this fatal flaw in their character.
• Cheaters will Cheat on Anyone - The first thing that an individual should understand when they start running around with someone else’s wife or husband is that this person they’re convinced they cannot live without, this person they believe they were meant to be with, has just outed themselves as a cheater. What kind of hubris deludes a person so completely to believe this cheater will be faithful to them?
• The “other man” or “other woman” receives all the benefits that the deceived spouse worked hard to earn - When John Edwards’ bid for the presidency went down in flames because it was revealed he was having an extra-marital affair while his wife was fighting a losing battle with cancer, she (Elizabeth Edwards) stated that the recipient of the affair steals all the benefits that the deceived spouse worked hard to earn. It’s incredibly hurtful and unfair.
• Nobody wins - I once had client: A tall handsome man who seemed to have it all together. Then, while in my office, he broke down and began to weep. Would you like to talk about it? I asked. He proceeded to explain that he was happily married with children, but that he met a beautiful woman and after resisting her advances for weeks, he finally met with her and they began a torrid affair. She, (the other woman), became pregnant. He begged her to get an abortion, because having the baby would ruin his life, family and career. She refused.
The ordeal soured their affair and they stopped seeing each other. Nonetheless, she revealed she would be suing him for support of the child. He was stunned and mortified about what this would do to his life. He was unable to sleep, he became angry and hostile. All this odd behavior convinced his wife that something was terribly wrong.
Eventually, she connected the dots, found the woman’s phone number and arranged to meet. In spite of the fact that this woman had lured her husband away from their marriage, she, (the wife), sided with the paramour, vowed to divorce her husband and help her to receive child care benefits.
When he came to me, he had just been kicked out of his home and was told by his wife she would seek sole custody of their children. He was living in a hotel room, unable to work, sleep or eat. His entire life had been ruined in a matter of months.
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• A Thoughtless Act - Cheating blinds the participants to the harm that can come to themselves and those they love. Their judgement is clouded by a veil of hormones. As a result, they are unable perceive anything but their own selfish desires.
If you are unhappy with your marriage or have outgrown your relationship, fine, get out. But do so with dignity and grace, not by sneaking around on the person you once loved. When all is said and done, you still want to be able to look yourself in the mirror and have faith in the person staring back at you.
-Shane Eric Mathias
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